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Inter - Catania: Goals Galore!


A Serie A match with more than one goal?

Sinisa Mihajlovic not trying to elbow Mancini out of the spotlight?

Santiago Solari and Fabio Grosso actually being relevant?

Could it be?

Seems like yes. At the empty Cesena stadium Inter defeated Calcio Catania 5-2 by superb (okay, more or less) goals by Walter Samuel, Santiago Solari, Fabio Grosso, Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Julio Cruz.

Whew, I got tired just by writing this. Who knew that emptying the stadium would have such a beneficial effect to the game?
To be completely honest, matches without audience are kinda eerie to me. I could hear everything they were saying (Zanetti's voice is beyond feminine. All my illusions have shattered.) and everytime someone kicked the ball, there'd be this very very loud sound. Like a firecracker.

Oh, and everybody's favorite assistant manager Sinisa Mihajlovic was nowhere to be seen. Shock! Horror! Thank God!
I can't say that I am bummed about him not being on the bench, really. Granted, he used to be one of the best freekick takers on the planet this side of Juninho, but still. That doesn't diminish the fact that he's an ignorant, overtly aggressive, spit-happy troglodyte. I sure do wonder what caused his absence. The local press are having a field day of Miha's wife giving birth soon, so maybe that was the reason. Or something. I don't really care. But Sinisa recently announced he will probably be naming the kid Adriano. Okay what. I pity the poor little baby already. Just imagine being named Adriano Mihajlovic. Jesus. I wonder will he stick by his idea if the baby turns out to be a female?

But I digress.

Despite the stonking 5-2 score (seven goals... whoa) the match was pretty damn uninteresting. I guess that is the downside of matches behind closed doors. Besides, we all know that Serie A has turned into a one-horse race by now. You can tell that by the players' faces. The Nerazzurri didn't even celebrate that much. They just huddled into a Teletubby-style hug and just walked back.

Besides a good chance by Stankovic somewhere near the 40-minute mark, the entire first half was uneventful. Then, in the 45th minute Stankovic unleashed a corner from the left side and Samuel headed it in. Inter 1, Catania 0. Samuel not only scored a goal, but was generally useful throughout the entire game. I hope this convinces Moratti not to sell him to Roma. Of all the Real Madrid renegades, Samuel is my favorite.

After that, the second half simply exploded. Two missed opportunities somewhere in the 46th minute by Zanetti and Solari. And then Solari shot again and scored a pretty weird goal. I think it was somewhere in the 49th minute. Poor thing. It is a shame that all these rumours of him and Recoba being sold in the summer are circulating. Seriously, what has poor Santi done to piss Mancini off? He's good! Sure, Patrick Vieira he ain't, but he is a lot better than Olivier Dacourt. Dacourt looks like MC Pee Pants. I absolutely refuse to take him seriously.

Oh, and the commentator here mentioned something about Santiago Solari's sister Lea being a supermodel, that is to say, more famous than her brother. Weird. I like to think I know a thing or two about fashion, but I've never heard of a Lea Solari. I'm pretty sure that she doesn't exist. Or at least, that she ain't no supermodel. First of all, I googled for "Lea Solari" and the only picture I found was this 50px picture of an old man with thick glasses. Uh... no models there. Then I tried googling only for "Solari" you know, in case I didn't hear her name properly. Nope. No models. Barely any females even. And El Indiecito's Wikipedia article says nothing about him having a sister. Not to mention that this is Santiago Solari we are talking about here. He and his sister share the same genes, right? It is hard for me to imagine somebody even resembling Solari making it in the fashion industry. But still, if you manage to find some photos of the prettier Solari sibling, toss them my way. I'd love to see them.

In the 57th minute, Fabio Grosso scored the third goal for Inter. He was aiming to kick the ball to Ibra or Cruz, but it ended up by a mistake in the net. Even Grosso looked surprised by the fact that he scored a goal. Catania's Pantanelli must be crying himself to sleep right now. Anyway, Grosso also played well today. He's growing on me real fast. Like some sort of fungi.

Maxwell and Ibrahimovic took a few cracks at scoring afterwards, but it didn't work out right. Maxwell annoys me. Then, in the 65th minute, Gio Spinesi snuck a ball past Julio Cesar and made it a 3-1 for Inter. I guess it wasn't so difficult, because Julio Cesar was probably being bored, twirling his mustache or flicking boogers or whatever. I tell you, Catania didn't even go near his goal up until that point. But only two minutes after that, Ibra finally realized that he sucked and snapped out of it. The result - a pretty pretty goal. Thank God. Zlatan performed pretty badly at this game so far.

After that there were two sloppy efforts by Inter, Mancini replaced Maxwell with Mariano Gonzalez (this kid is totally underrated and should play more often) until Corona made it a 2-4 for his team. It still would've been smooth sailing for Inter but Julio Cruz decided to play it safe and scored a marvellous goal with a little help from Maicon. Oh man. CRUZ. I love him like pie. He reminds me of Recoba. Speaking of which, I miss Chino. Stupid haircut or not, that little fella can still play like no other. That is, when he is not injured.

Uh, I guess that was it. Spinesi got booked for the second time and got sent off, and that was pretty much everything.

Let's face it, Catania is a pretty laughable team. And their kits? What the... Aqua? With blood red? And tacky shiny gold letters in the back? Jeez, I know that their logo is an elephant, but there is no need to push that entire circus deal too far. Just look at what it did to Christina Aguilera. I was expecting a two-headed bearded woman to pop outta nowhere and start playing banjo at any given moment.

[EDIT:] Apparently, there is a model whose last name is Solari. And I see a little bit of resemblance to Santiago there. Could it be? But still. Look at her. I doubt she even does runway shows. I wouldn't have sex with her, but then again. I am a girl.