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Exclusive: The Full Transcript of the Inter-Wolfsburg Negotiations for Ivan Perisic

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After one of the most protracted transfer negotiations in recent memory, Inter and Wolfsburg have finally reached an accord on the reportedly 20 million sale of Ivan Perisic, who recently landed in Milano. The Inter Offside has obtained an audio recording of the full transfer negotiations from an anonymous source, whom we'll call Luciano M. (no, wait, that's too obvious...L. Moggi). It's a fascinating glimpse into the persuasive tactics of Inter's directors, as well as an intimate glimpse at the Inter formula in action.

Inter: We want to buy Perisic.

Wolfsburg: Fine. That’ll be 20 million.

Inter: Huh. We were thinking more in the neighborhood of 17 million…

Wolfsburg: That's too bad. 20 million.

Inter: 17.5 million?

Wolfsburg: No. 20 million.

Inter: Let's start over -- fortunately, we've devised our own formula for these sorts of situations. Here's the deal: Season-long loan for 2.5 million, with obligation to buy later at 15 million?

Wolfsburg: No. 20 million.

Inter: Okay, okay, how about this. Season-long loan for 3 million, obligation to buy later at 14.5 million.

Wolfsburg: No. 20 million.

Inter: Okay okay, let's add some bonuses here. Season-long loan for 3 million, obligation to buy later at 12 million, with a 1 million bonus if he makes more than 15 appearances and an extra 1.5 million in bonuses if we make the Champions League?

Wolfsburg: No. 20 million.

Inter: Hold on just a minute, we’ll sweeten the deal. Two-season loan with obligatory purchase for 10 million, paid in five semi-monthly installments, alongside a 5 million bonus after his first five substitute appearances in away matches, plus a four-year bonus royalty rate of 500 bucks for every pass he completes in a Coppa Italia match or a summer friendly (some restrictions apply), a 2 million discount credit to be applied to all future purchases, 8.6% of profits from all Perisic jersey sales (not including child sizes), the use of Erick Thohir’s personal helicopter whenever he’s out of town, and a complimentary bottle of champagne?

Wolfsburg: Do you have 20 million? If not, I think we’re done here…

Inter: Wait, wait. Fine. We’ll pay the 20 million. Paid in installments over 6 years.

Wolfsburg: 3 years.

Inter: 5 years.

Wolfsburg: 3 years.

Inter: 4 years.

Wolfsburg: 3 years.

Inter: All right, that sounds like a deal, 20 million paid over 3 years. Well, it took us three months, but I'm glad we could finally hammer out an agreement that I hope we can both live with. Pleasure doing business with you. Do you take American Express?

Wolfsburg: No.