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Atalanta 2-1 Inter Milan: Player Ratings

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Look away now if you love Inter.

Inter's season went from bad to worse on Sunday afternoon when they lost deservedly and expectedly to Atalanta in Bergamo. Heading into this match there was no plausible reason whatsoever that we were going to be capable of taking anything from it, and in fact things panned out just as most of us had expected them to. Baraka's sorrowful, existentially troubled lament, otherwise known as the match recap, can be found here, while our player ratings can be found below. The comments are shorter than I usually do, because there's no need for either you or I to dwell on what happened on Sunday for any longer than is vitally necessary.

The special condition for today's ratings is that nobody is awarded more than a 4, because it would be an insult to the numbers 5-10 to be associated with any of these ex-footballers.

Players

Handanovic - 3

Blameless for Atalanta's two goals and for the horror that took place in front of him. But if he was one of the men who spoke to De Boer in midweek to encourage him to change the team's style of play, then he is also partially to blame for performances such as this one.

Nagatomo - 1

It is a complete and utter humiliation watching him, who knows what being him must be like. Inter won't be a serious club again until he leaves.

Miranda - 4

Another strong performance, but he seems increasingly resigned to the ineptitude of his team-mates. The only defender worthy of the job description at this club.

Murillo - 2.5

The Murillo we saw at the start of last season really was a mirage. Better in the second half than the first, like the rest of the team, but that wasn't difficult.

Santon - 2

Better than Nagatomo, which is the hollowest compliment uttered since the invention of the English language, before conceding the penalty with a horrid misjudgement. Out.

Joao Mario - 3.5

The worst performance he's produced since arriving at Inter. Not even our classiest player could save us from catastrophe today.

Medel - 1.5

Apocalyptic uselessness from start to finish, and he will most likely be serving a multi-game suspension after elbowing Jasmin Kurtic in an off-the-ball incident.

Brozovic - 2

Preferred to Banega in a very bold personnel decision from De Boer and did absolutely everything in his power to make that decision look like a horrific mistake.

Perisic - 3

No positive contribution of note. Even Ivan has lost his way since the tail end of last season. Had a chance to give us the lead, but didn't.

Icardi - 3

Must have touched the ball a maximum of three times and none of those touches were of any significance. Had a stoppage-time goal unjustly disallowed for a nonexistent foul, but I wouldn't be able to look myself in the mirror ever again if I blamed the officiating on a day like this.

Eder - 4

Scored an astonishingly good goal to briefly trick us into thinking that the team had a chance of not losing a match they would have been fortunate to lose only 50-0. Nothing else.

Substitutes

Ansaldi - 3.5

Better than Nagatomo. But we've already discussed the merits of that particular compliment.

Kondogbia - 2

No impact after coming off the bench. Unless you mean an impact of a profoundly negative sort.

Candreva - 2

Also no impact after coming off the bench.

'Manager'

De Boer - N/A

Heading up to this match on Sunday morning there was one word I had in my head: capolinea. End of the line. It felt to me like this could be one of those days, and unfortunately I think it might prove to be so. We could go into some of the inexplicable individual decisions he made today, but in the grand scheme of things they're not important and I honestly can't be bothered anyway. As far as this match is concerned, let's just sum it up like this: the first half will not be commented upon, because to be able to comment upon a team's performance there first needs to be a performance, while the second was better but by default if nothing else. The team is weak, feeble, confused and without any concept of shame, and the result is a season which has already lost all meaning by mid-October.

What's seven hundred and sixty-four times more concerning to me, and more disheartening, is the fact that he appears to have already abandoned the philosophy he has spent the last two months trying to teach to his players, and which encouraged Inter to appoint him in the first place. The last two performances suggest De Boer is trying to Italianize himself for the benefit of getting results, and to put it mildly this idea has revealed itself to be a resoundingly shambolic disaster. There's only one thing that is worse than losing with your own ideas, and that is losing with someone else's. That is why, even if he does not leave before Wednesday's match with Torino, today and Thursday are an unequivocal sign that Frank and Inter are doomed to failure for as long as they are in each other's company. He is betraying himself before anyone else.

But this man is by no means the only man to blame for the situation we find ourselves in. In fact, he's one of the men I'd blame the least. This sorry story of his time at Inter, which we'll tell to our grandchildren round the fireplace one day and will very soon come to an end unless a miracle takes place, is a symptom of the unspeakable, unquantifiable chaos this once-great club has masochistically descended into - not a cause.